Reflection

While in college I was sexually assaulted. His name was Mike and we were on a date. I said no. He chose not to hear me….and yeah, I became a victim. The day after the incident I told a friend. The friend helped me weave an imaginary tale which allowed me to pretend the assault never happened. Then he called me. In my attempt to process what happened I finally asked, “Why did you do this? You heard me say no.” His response was curt and to the point. “Someone took my virginity and I was determined to take yours.” I hung up.

What does someone do with all that? My 19-year-old self could not imagine pressing charges. It would be my word against his and there were no visible scars. In the eighties in my town and at my Baptist college, sexual assault was not discussed. Date rape was considered a term victims used to rationalize their consent. Sexual conquest was applauded and it was thought the victim “asked for it.” I also did not tell my parents.

What does someone do with all that? The healthy thing would have been to not do what I did. I bottled it all up inside of me and pretended the assault never happened. Except…it did. The sexual assault changed everything, even my spiritual life. I had to wrestle with losing my virginity. Once something I held up as proof of my faithfulness was gone I wondered if God could still use me and my brokenness, my incompleteness…my imperfection. I even wondered how God could love me. It took a great deal of time and patience to knit myself back together as my crisis of faith gave birth to an even deeper faith and sense of worth and value.

Even after all these years, all the processing of the event and the knitting myself back together, I have scars. My heart stops when someone I do not know creeps up on me. I go into a hyper-vigilant stance when I perceive threat or when someone violates my personal space. I become aggressive when someone tries to “take something” from me and every once in a while I feel guilty for not having been more careful. Thoughts of what I should have done…or not done occasionally pierce my dreams. Things that happen to us in college change us.

Lynchburg College has an Interpersonal Misconduct Policy. Recently procedures and policies were updated to include mandates the Violence against Women Act (VAWA) insists are present on college campuses. Copies of the Interpersonal Misconduct Policy and Response Procedures are provided in all our campus offices. In the manual confidential sources are identified. Rights for charged students and complainants are specified. Reporting options are detailed. Response procedures are outlined. Disciplinary procedures are spelled out. On campus and off campus resources are published. This document can also be found on the Lynchburg College website.

Things that happen to us in college do change us. Had there been policies and procedures in place when I was a student, I would have had advocates and resources and the support I needed to navigate the cacophony of emotions that made my world so very dark and hopeless.

While I cannot prevent sexual assault from happening to our students, I can be confident that if it does, procedures, policies and resources are in place to help. It is the Lynchburg College way and I for one am thankful to be a HORNET!

by Katrina Brooks
Campus Pastor and InFaith Community Senior Pastor