The Thing Behind the Thing

I was recently speaking to some colleagues on campus about how, in the many conversations I have as a chaplain, there is always more to the story than someone is telling me. There’s a thing behind the thing. 

For instance, I might be having a conversation with someone who may say they are really tired. Yet, as the conversation progresses, I learn the tiredness is not from a lack of sleep, but rather a deep burnout from work or exhaustion from being a young parent. 

Or, talking with a student, I might learn about their frustration they are experiencing being a student on campus, but as they get more comfortable speaking to me and open up, I learn that their frustration is really because of a recent break up causing so much pain. 

There’s a thing behind the thing. 

Sometimes the thing behind the smile is grief and pain. Sometimes the thing behind the anger is actually a bout of shame. Sometimes behind the outburst is an experience of a great injustice. Sometimes behind the excitement is a lot of anxiety. Sometimes behind our motivation is actually a lot of fear. 

There’s a heavy thing that is often behind the thing. 

Even as I write this, I sense a deep heaviness within me as the death toll from the earthquake in Turkey and Syria (which was at 5,000 when I wrote last week’s Chaplain’s Corner) is now at 36,000. I sense a deep frustration within me as there is yet another shooting at another college campus, and our students reel with emotions as such a tragedy is normalized. I sense a longing to be with my kids as they spent their morning making the cutest Valentine’s Day cards for their sitter, and I love seeing them create. 

We all carry more than we let on. 

As you speak with colleagues and friends today, may you be aware that everyone is carrying a deep and heavy burden; there’s a thing behind the thing. If today you are carrying a deep and heavy burden, may you have the courage to share it with a safe person so you may know that you are not alone. May we all have moments where the thing behind the thing is a deep sense of peace, love, joy, and hope.