Grace the Dog: A Reflection on Grace

My dog Grace has become accustomed to having someone at home with her at all times.  Grace loves going on errands to pick up the grocery order or take the recycling.  She becomes noticeably anxious when someone leaves the house, and expresses her anxiety by barking aggressively, jumping at the window beside the front door, and racing from room to room. 

I understand her anxiety.  There’s a sense of loss, of grief for our former lives.  We are doing old things in new ways, and we are feeling vulnerable.

I’ve found that the only thing I can really do during this time of heightened anxiety and increased stress is to own up to it.  Instead of navigating my world with any real confidence of knowing what’s next or how to handle the unknowable, I ask for help and admit to shortcomings.  I’ve been grateful for the reassurance, for the understanding and kindness that have invariably come in response to admissions of vulnerability.  We are all doing the best we can do.  

Being vulnerable does not mean being weak or out of control; it simply means that I acknowledge that I cannot control all the things.  I am grateful for kindness. I am profoundly aware that I am not alone—that God is with me. 

This time of anxiety and of doing so many things in new ways will eventually return to something more like the normal pre-COVID life I remember.  I hope that I can hold tight to the beautiful threads that are weaving a new pattern into my life.  I hope that I can continue to spoil my dog and take her on car rides.  Other things I hope to keep post-COVID are wearing running shoes every day, a clean(er) house, long(er) hours of sleep, and a deeper appreciation for moments with my family and friends.

I hope to retain an awareness of my vulnerability.  I hope for continued perspective and the capacity to ask for forgiveness and understanding. I hope that my trust in God will persist.  This prayer from the Book of Common Prayer reminds me to ask for God’s help. It reminds me that doing the best that I can do is enough:

“This is another day, O Lord.
I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be.
If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly.
If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly.”

Amen.

(Book of Common Prayer 461).