Statistics tell us that approximately 30-40% of college students are experiencing grief while pursuing their education. Grief can affect a student’s GPA and can lead to depression and a myriad of social difficulties. College life is stereotypically a “happy time” in a person’s life. If the student is grieving, they may feel out of step or isolated in their feelings. Grief unaddressed can “sneak up” on the person and play out in confusing and challenging ways.
There is an organization I discovered online when I was researching college students and grief. The organization, AMF, translates to Actively Moving Forward. A college student, having lost his mother to cancer, found himself struggling with his loss in the midst of college life. Through his struggles he formed AMF. I would like to share with you their list of helpful tips.
- Talk about your loved one who died with friends, family and/or a professional.
- Grief is truly a journey, requiring time and energy. It is a very unique process and it doesn’t have a set amount of time.
- Pace yourself. Grief can be hard and tiring. It takes a lot of energy to feel so intensely. Allow yourself plenty of time to do normal everyday activities. Try not to over-schedule yourself; you don’t need the added stress. Rest when you can and need to, it’s not a sign of weakness.
- Try to resist the temptation to “throw yourself” into work, school or other diversions. This leaves too little time for the grief work you need to do for yourself.
- Take care of yourself. Give yourself time and space to begin your grief journey. Get enough rest. Eat healthy food. Give yourself a break.
- Resist the temptation to use alcohol or drugs. These can interfere with the grieving process or cover it up – not take it away.
- If you are religious, contact your place of worship and utilize offered services [see final paragraph below].
- Talk to others who have experienced the death of a loved one. People who have been through grief can empathize with and help support you, and vice versa.
- The grief process is an individual experience. Some people like to talk about things while others prefer to grieve by “doing” something. Do what feels right for you.
- Express your grief. The best way to work with your grief is to let it out. So how do you let out your emotions? Do you: Cry, scream, and yell? Do you: express your feelings through music, art, poetry, or journaling? Some express themselves with only one or a few trusted people, while others chose to make a display of expression. Do what feels right for you.
- Focus on your health. Grief can be a great stress on your body and mind. It can upset sleep patterns, lead to depression, weaken your immune system, and highlight medical problems. See your doctor if you are worried about your symptoms.
- Consider getting professional help if you feel overwhelmed, hopeless, or helpless. Seek professional help if you have suicidal thoughts. Grief therapy doesn’t have to be long-term. Even if you don’t see yourself as the kind of person who would go to therapy, it may be beneficial.
- Grief tends to go at its own rate, so allow yourself time to grieve. There is no right way and no time limit!
- Be patient. There may be days where you feel great, but there may also be setbacks. Don’t expect to “Get over it” or have a deadline in mind. Reminders can trigger emotions – both physical and emotional. This is not a sign of weakness. Instead, your mind and body are telling you that your grief journey isn’t done.
- Create your own ways of memorializing your loved one. Celebrate their life in whatever way feels right to you. Try supporting a cause they believed in, start a scholarship, plant a garden, make a donation in their name, etc.
- Have a little fun. Do something to make you laugh and/or smile. Many may find this difficult to do at first, but it is wonderful medicine for the grieving soul.
The Center for Spiritual Life can be a resource for you here at Lynchburg College. We do not expect you to just “get over it” in a timely fashion. Grief is very individual and can be exhausting and stressful added to the everyday stresses of college life. We are in the planning stages of forming a “Grief Group” on campus. If you are interested in being a part of this group please contact us at Spiritual Life or you can email me at [email protected]. In addition, we are always open to meeting one-on-one (544-8348). Counseling services on campus are also a great resource. Please take care of yourself and know you are not alone in this journey.
by Kay Higgins
Pastoral Associate